Notes from Kodiak, Alaska #1

December 27th Journal Excerpt:

The fire in front of me is raging. Wet wood has finally steamed its last breath and the flames have taken over. Flickering and flecking sparks up unto the darkness. Ella huffs at every snap. Jolted out of her dreams.

This is a wild, salty space.  It has stories I’m sure haven’t been told yet and I’m trying to be patient with myself.  To slow down and be intentional and really try to meet people with an open mind.  I am, after all the outsider.

The colors are unparalleled. The ocean is the deepest sea greenish blue on stormy days perfectly contrasting against the brilliant turmeric of the dried grasses. Oh how I look forward to seeing them a blaze of green this summer.

"Welcome home" some say.  Others ask if it’s beginning to feel like home, and it is. A little. Slowly I can feel the seedlings in my toes starting to take root.  I still pinch myself every time I drive from base to town and back again.  The view of Barometer Mountain is paralleled only by the view of Hahn’s Peak from the top of Willow Creek pass or the view of the Adirondacks from that one point on Rt 7 South - you know the one?  There’s something about seeing a road that seems to disappear at the foot of the mountain. Like a pot of gold the mountain is.

I have a new found appreciation in my ability to move my legs. To walk over brush frozen in what will in warmer weather be a swamp I’m sure, and up and down ridges, slowly exploring my way across the attainable paths on this side of the island.  Trodding down to the ocean and crunching across shells while Ella finds something to eat.  You’d think we’ve been starving her the way she devours crusty, dead sea bits.

As for the Coast Guard and the town of Kodiak.  I’ve never met more reliable people than those who wear blue, and the people of this fishing town.  We’ve been helped by people we’ve hardly known to get everything from a bed, to a first set of groceries, to ginger for cookies, to a borrowed car, to a card table and chairs so we don’t have to keep eating on the floor.  It’ll likely be another month until our household goods arrive and i’ve never felt as much at ease with so little as I do here.  Two plates, two bowls, two mugs (until I broke one) and more treats than Ella could ever need. I see the draw of the simple life so many of my van-dwelling friends live - though I don’t think I'd love it here with the regular sideways blowing wind and rain. 

Commonly asked Questions:

1. Daylight. How much do you have? How are you handling the darkness?

When we first got here the sun rose after 10 and set before 4. Now it rises a bit before ten and sets closer to 5.  I have a really hard time waking up before 8 am and am learning to be gentle with myself and catch up on all the sleep i’m sure i’m going to miss this summer when it’s light all the time.  I also have twinkle lights strung up all over and light candles and use the dark hours as time to catch up on reading and knitting.

2. Have you seen a bear?

Not yet! (Thank goodness) But Ella can definitely smell them.

3. What is life in Alaska like? How are you surviving being so far away?

We live on the island of Kodiak, a really big island that only has roads that run around one corner of it.  The mountains are dramatic and there is plenty of hiking and trail systems, but few of them are well marked. The majority of people on the island are either in the Coast Guard or are fishermen. Mail takes a long time to get here and often won’t get delivered for several days in a row when the weather is bad. We are four hours behind the east coast which makes trying to keep up with friends and family a challenge but thankful for internet and snail mail.

4. What are you doing for work?

I am still freelance shooting for many of the same outdoor brands with a stunning new backdrop and hoping to get involved more with the Kodiak Arts Council and perhaps teach some classes this summer. 

5. How are you staying motivated in your photography and writing? How do you keep your work fresh?

I’ve been here a month and no two days look exactly the same.  I’ve hiked the same mountain four times and depending on the weather its appearance is dramatically different.  I find movement really helpful for keeping my creativity flowing and am really lucky my job allows me to travel a lot to keep things fresh. I also am striving to create for myself this season in addition to for my clients.  2017 was really busy and i’m proud of the work i produced but I definitely lagged in the personal passion project department.

I'm aiming to share more regularly on this blog so please feel free to ask any other questions in the comments or sign up for my email list so you can be sure not to miss the next one!

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17 Reasons 2017 Didn't Suck

17 Kickass things that happened in 2017

Inspired by Veronica Foster we started a gratitude jar this year.  It’s packed away in storage right now - moving its way slowly across the country with coast guard movers so I’m left to list the moments I’m grateful for with my feeble memory.  They are grouped in no particular order and naturally given the nature of gratitudes there are way more than 17 things, sometimes I find that when I get started they all just come spilling out.

I went on a hut to hut ski trip with Alex Roberts for She Explores and later became the best of friends.

I wrote blogs for: Miir, Toad and Co, Oru Kayak, Dueter, Cotopaxi, prAna, Flowfold, Parks Project (click 'em to read 'em).

I watched my little brother graduate from the LA Police Academy and watched Kaleigh graduate from Officer Candidate School #21/72 in her class.

I was a volunteer assistant coach for the Portland middle school nordic ski team. 

I photographed the Nordic World Cup Finals in Quebec City for the U.S. Ski Team and later in the year photographed nordic skiing olympian Jessie Diggins for one of her sponsors

I led a photography workshop with American300 at the USCG Station Southwest Harbor with Cam Held and Christine Reighly who would later in 2017 launch Maine the Way with my  photos and writing in one of the stories.

I shot 6 weddings.

I ate my first ever oyster at the Lost Kitchen and fell in love with Kaleigh falling in love with Erin French.

I filmed and photographed 15 hotel experiences for Lark Hotels in 7 weeks. (You can watch the videos HERE)

Filmmed and photographed a half marathon at Camp Bondsteel in Kosovo for American300.

Finally got to visit my favorite pen pal at her farm in Idaho.

I went on a multi day kayak camping trip with my Mom in the Adirondacks that I later wrote about for She Explores. 

I slept in a tent more cumulative nights than any year prior in my life and I hate sleeping on the ground but it was worth it.

The team Powers Posse kicked ass in the Portland Cotopaxi Questival.

I became obsessed with rock climbing and had a lot of firsts on cliffs in New Hampshire. First sport lead, first 5.10c first climb in the dark… and made a half dozen new best friends.

Photo: Alexandra Roberts

We put the first kayaks ever on Tumbledown Mountain.

Attended REI Outessa as press and shot a video for She Explores (stay tuned)!

I finally visited my little sister in NYC and didn’t hate the city. (Photo: Joe Miller-Jones)

The Three Musketeers.  Through mutual heartache we learned that joy can always be found around a campfire in the woods.

Colonoscopy #4 proved that an area I had tattooed last year was NOT extra aggressive pre-cancerous polyp tissue. AKA still on the yearly cleanse schedule, but no further surgery now.

Kaleigh and I got married in an intimate ceremony on Prouts Neck in Maine. (Photo: Bethany and Dan Cox)

Drove across the country. Skied. Climbed. Drank lots of good coffee. Squeezed tons of great friends and family. Were overwhelmed by our people’s kindness and generosity.

Moved to Kodiak, Alaska.  Have been here three weeks and have already made wonderful friends, have hiked 26 miles so far and seen zero bears (thank goodness).

Wednesday Sendsday

Late July of this year Kaleigh left for the Coast Guard Academy and Ella and I took to the trails.  We hiked mountains in New Hampshire, Vermont, NY and Maine finding mild joy at the summits and filling the ache in our hearts with coffee and cookies after our adventures.  A few weeks in to my new-found solo-life, Alexandra Roberts invited me to join on a “Wednesday Sendsday” - "a chill day of rock climbing" she described it.  I made up a half dozen excuses to why I didn’t want to, or couldn’t go climbing.  I had a handful of bad memories of the last time I climbed outside - a tumultuous summer in Colorado.  A debilitating fear of heights. A lack of strength.  No gear.  Minimal expertise.  “It’s all good Gretch" Alex said, I’ve got you”.  Driving up the Kancamangus the first Wednesday I joined the crew I had nervous energy coursing through my veins.  I had Ella, snacks, and my knitting packed in my backpack - I’m outgoing, I’ve been lifting this summer, I’ll be fine.   Fuq.

I hugged Alex for only the second time since we met on a hut to hut ski trip last winter (we didn’t really get along that well at first) and she handed me a harness, shoes and a helmet.  We hiked up through a rocky approach to the base of the cliff (what I learned to be called the crag). I felt like I was visiting a foreign country as I didn’t understand half of the terms coming out of everyone’s mouths.  I found a comfortable rock and settled in with the hat I was knitting while the more experienced climbers set up routes for us to top-rope and it wasn’t long before I was on my first climb.  I can’t even remember it now, but I recall my fear of heights gripping me so tightly my hands sweat through my borrowed chalk as I carefully climbed up the wall.  Hours later as the sun dipped towards the horizon I gave Incisor Crack a try.  A 5.10c (ooph) I’d seen Alex suffer up it, and Z made a go of it and I thought why can't I give it a try. What's the worst that's going to happen? I taped up my knuckles and thanks to a hefty belay from Brent I made it to the top.

I drove home that night in the dark and the events of the day and the smiles of the faces of these new adventure buddies were clear in my mind.  I needed to do this again.  Three weeks later I returned to the crag with a brand new pair of shoes, harness, helmet and my very own chalk bag.  Strangers became friends.  I learned the ins and outs of climbing cracks and slab and how flake is really fun and you can, in fact climb up wet rock and climbing in the dark by headlamp light is exhilarating.  What has stuck out to me about this crew of entrepreneurs and small business owners, creatives and adventurers who are lucky enough to take to the cliffs on Wednesdays is that their hearts are huge, their zeal is impenetrable and their kindness knows no bounds.  As a bonus it turns out that Ella is the best crag dog ever.  Entertaining herself with squirrels all day and intermittently swinging back by the group for pets, treats and snuggles.  My mom even came one day!  We shared victories big and small, fist bumps and fierce hugs, pirates booty and pumpkin muffins, hot tea and beers.

Two days ago (two months later), I took to incisor crack again.  This time on a real belay.  Each time I peeled off the rock I fell back to where I started and I sobbed into the crack hitting my bloodied hands against the rock. I had blood on my sweater. I came back down and added tape to my hands covering the raw skin that had peeled off. Thinking of all of the routes I’d climbed in the past two months I couldn’t understand why I was struggling so much.  I had my first lead climb, I suffered up wet, cold 5.9’s and 5.10’s but this crack was giving me hell and I wouldn’t back down. Alex and her effervescent sparkle urged me to get back after it and I fell and fell again but eventually by nothing but pure grit and stubbornness I made it.

Photo: Alexandra Roberts

 It was dark and we trekked out slipping on the snowy leaves and sharing headlamp light. When we got back to the parking lot there were still 5 cars there.  In the last however long it took me to finish the route my friends had stuck around to support me on my last sendsday before heading to Alaska.  They saw me bloodied, bawling and broken and their support didn't waver.  That is what Sendsday is all about. Every Wednesday you show up you make your own adventure.  Put as much heart into it as you can or want to.  We grew together this fall, everyone getting better at something - whether a climbing skill, a friendship, or believing in themselves a little more.  

Mom and Alex

Photo: Alexandra Roberts, Attempt 24 on Incisor Crack 

The real magic happens when we vulnerably show the deepest parts of the cracks in our selves and are loved and supported regardless.  No matter what profanities we yell, how many tablespoons of tears we collect, it’s never about the route.  It’s the sum of life’s messes.  The dumpster fire ignites up the hardest climbs and the ash settles as you are lowered off of the rock, snotty, bleary eyed and scrapes and bruised and the world is a little more clear.  The problems less significant and the power of love that much stronger. 

To my sendsday friends, a toast,

“May the distance between our hearts never grow wider than a hand - crack, and the power of sending it on a Wednesday never lose its luster.  Cheers!”

With Love, Gretchen

Thank you Alex, you are forever a sparkle in my life.